I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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