Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i think my cat just said my name.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
