I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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