You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I touched a dick in church today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
