yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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