i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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