you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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