just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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