I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
