he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
