Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
