I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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