Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
