I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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