she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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