There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
