Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
