I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
