Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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