batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
