my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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