I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
