So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
nutella sex= disaster
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
