so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
