If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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