I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
two words: eviction party
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
