so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
