that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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