I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
