She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
