Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
