Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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