ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
