Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
