He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
