tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
