my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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