i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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