her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
