my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize