Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
