I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
