im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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