my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
