So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
then he tried to convert me to islam
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
