your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
