I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize