There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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