They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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