i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
no, he came in my armpit
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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