Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
