I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
