just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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