they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
