You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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