like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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