this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
