I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
