the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
