At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
