If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
