wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
