you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i believe in u and ur pee
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
