i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
