It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize