I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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