dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
