On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
