Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
